45 Years Went Where?!

After 45 long years of not seeing each other, Brent and Karen Davis were able to stop and visit Eloise today on their way home to Calgary after seeing their son graduate from U.V.U. in Orem yesterday.



Eloise really enjoyed spending the time with Karen. Karen is significant in our family history a) because she has been a life long friend and b) because she was in the same car accident in which Pat was killed in 1963. I was enthralled with Karen's, Brent's and Eloise's recollection of the tragic event which almost took Karen's life also.



What I gathered from the discussion is that many people's lives were changed dramatically, and even blessed, that fateful evening.

Among the stories that I want to remember is Karen's tale of how seconds before the accident, Pat, in the front seat, turned to Karen, in the back seat, and their eyes locked with each other in a deep, eternally binding exchange. No time for words to be spoken but it was as they each knew something terrible was about to happen. But also, a love and bond was forged that would last forever.

Karen also shared a story about the driver of the car. His life had been somewhat of a mess up to the point of the accident. A time after the accident, he sought out Eloise to apologize for his part in the accident that caused the death of her daughter. He was not prepared for Eloise's response. She immediately and sincerely forgave him and expressed her sorrow and empathy for the burden he would have to carry through his life. She explained that because of certain things that had happened in the days leading up to the accident, she had an assurance that this was Pat's time to go. She then said something to the effect "I'm sorry that you had to be part of carrying out the event to bring it to pass". Eloise's response changed his life. He served an extremely successful career in the military and eventually served as a Stake President. He told Karen that he attributes his change of heart to the forgiveness he received from a grieving mother who loved the Lord.

Eloise brought a measure of consolation to Karen when she told that in the days before the accident she had had a number of dreams that prepared her, in a way, for the loss. Also she told of a discussion that her and Pat had where Pat related that she had the distinct feeling that "something in her life was different" but that she could not explain the feeling or identify the cause. As the events came to a close and some time elapsed, this conversation and the dreams brought Eloise peace that everything was in order.

The scriptures teach that God knew the end of the world from the beginning. It appears that he also knows the end of his children's lives from the beginning also, and has prepared a way for them be happy as well as bare the burdens which are a part of this existence.

Funeral, 4/7/2009

Watch the video full size here

A Tribute to Gordon

Watch the video full size here.

The further Dad gets down this path to transitioning to the other side, the more physical and emotional difficulties he encounters - and the grumpier he gets. At times he can be downright mean. The aides are mostly young girls and struggle with knowing how to help. When Dad was feeling better he was their favorite patient because he would always have cute little comments and jokes for them. He still does at times but most of the time not.

I found this sign on his white board, obviously written by a sweet aide just trying to help.

Technical Things Aside...

I didn't' expect to have a night like this after talking to the hospice nurse just before 5:00. She called to say that Gordon had taken a serious turn for the worse since our visit yesterday. Yesterday, at least he was sitting in his chair, attempting to interact and cracking jokes.

Today, she said, he was still in bed because none of the aides could get him out of bed. He was more lethargic, not responsive, not eating or drinking or taking his meds. It sounded pretty grim.

When I arrived I found that all of the above was true, but not as bad as I had expected. I noticed that there was no moisture in his eyes...his lips were dry and pealing. His color was good, I could get him to drink a little, eat very little and when the aide came to give him his meds (crushed in applesauce) he relented and took the first bite. Just as I was asking the nurse how all that stuff tasted, he pipes in with "boy that stuff is nasty!". It took quite a bit more persuasion to get the second bite between his lips.

I wanted to break up his day a little so I booted up his computer and we looked at old pictures I had loaded on the internet. He would watch some, sleep some, look out the window some...watch some more. He apparently was reflecting on life and his current situation. I asked him if there was something I could do for him. He replied with "I feel comfortable with my future. I just hope my family will have good direction in theirs." I noticed his eyes were moist, and he wiped each eye with his finger. It seems to me that he has more to say but is not quite sure how to get it out. Not because of his mental condition but because of his gender. Trust me, I know the feeling. Marie will back me up on that one too.

At times, quite often actually, I feel the emotions welling up inside of me because of the obvious conclusion to all of this. All the unfinished, unsaid, incomplete things seem to surface at once and it is very over-whelming. But...as I sat there beside his bed and empathized with the thoughts and feelings I imagine he has but can't say...an amazing, deep and calming sense of peace came over me as if to reassure me that things as they are, are just as they ought to be.

I went over to mom's room and spent an hour playing cards and listening to John Denver on her old record player. I commented how nice it sounded and she bragged to me that "I got that at a garage sale for $50". She seemed to be at peace with things and we enjoyed playing cards and listening to the music.

I made the drive home. As I walked in the door was greeted by Marie, Stephanie and Addy. That's nice to come home to. Marie and Stephanie went to play volleyball where Kelsie was to meet them. Addy was ready for bed. We took a minute to look at the circles she drew that day...not bad for a 2 year old.

Before I offered to tuck her in bed I asked her if she wanted to dance for a few minutes. (One of my favorite things to do, you know...grand daughter dances!) She agreed so I put on some of our favorite soft piano/instrumental music and danced. Just before she settled onto my shoulder for the dance, she pointed out when the piano portion chimed into the song and then said "I'm happy" and layed her head on my shoulder.

Me too, Addy...

Bringing the house down...

Tuesday's are generally reserved for mutual for me but this one turned out quite different. I hadn't seen the folks on Monday as I usually do and told Mom I would at least swing by on the way home from work to say hi for a minute.

I visited with Dad for about 1/2 hour and then strolled across the hall to give Mom equal time. She 'needed' supplies and decided to forgo the card game in favor of sending me to the store...no enough time for both, you know. So I ran my errands got back to Legacy just before six. I hadn't been there 30 seconds when the fire alarm started to sound. My first impression was 'fire drill' so I wasn't too concerned but I thought I would mosy down the hall just to make sure. I hadn't traveled too many steps before I figured out this was definitely not a drill.

All the management team had gone home for the day and the evening crew had taken over. The evening crew consists of CNA's (teenagers for the most part) and Medtechs (not much more than teenagers). The lead Medtech was in a panic...shaking and hardly able to speak...but was blubbering something about a roof collapse on the second floor. "People are probably dead up there"! she stammered.

The aide's had already started the evacuation process so I passed on going upstairs to try and help and went directly to Mom's room to prepare her for a trip across the street to the church parking lot. Fortunately the weather was the best of the year so far - mid 50's and clear. Meanwhile one of the aide's had started to get Dad ready and, after depositing Mom safely in the church parking lot, I met them at his doorway. He was already cussing and swearing at the poor girl for being in so much of a hurry! :) By now, the emergency crews had started to arrive and were assisting with the evacuation of the 97 residents and staff.

I started across the street with Dad and every crack in the pavement brought a "damn" or "hell" followed by some direction from my irritable passenger. Holy smoke, you'd thought I was dragging him naked through a snow storm or something!

In any event we made it safely to the cultural hall of the Bountiful Stake Center and snuggled with 200 other residents and family members. It wasn't long before the fire department sent in a rep to explain to everyone what had happened, which was that a 400 square foot section of ceiling crashed to the floor in the commons area on the second floor...bringing a whole new meaning to the term 'drop down ceiling'! Miraculously, there was no one in the normally occupied area. Most were having dinner either in the dining hall, directly below the accident area, or safely in their rooms.

To make a six hour, mostly uneventful very boring, story short we sat in the cultural hall until midnight when Gordon and Eloise were relocated to the newest wing of the Legacy House, the only portion of the large building deemed habitable. Of course the evening was brightened with a sweet sister playing hymns on the piano and 4 or 5 trips to the bathroom for Eloise.

We feel happy and blessed that no one was injured and that Gordon and Eloise endured this like the troopers that they are!

Here is the news story as reported on http://www.ksl.com/ and as covered in the Ogden Standard Examiner.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

December 3, 2008

Mom sure enjoyed the flowers that Rick sent for her 87th!! Eloise is doing about average for her...which is not very pleasant. But it is her life right now. She keeps from going looney by watching movies most of the day. Her favorites are Kindergarten Cop, Overboard, Man from Snowy River, Return of Man from Snowy River (better than the first), It Takes Two (Olsen twins), and a few others that escape me right now.

We have been encouraging her to stop eating through out the day...and to cut back on the pumpkin pie. She is finding that large amounts of pumpkin pie tend to make one look like a pumpkin. Her scales would testify of that fact as she is hovering between 165 and 170 lbs. I have noticed lately, however, that the pumpkin pies are not disappearing nearly as quickly as they had been. Soy milk and ice cream are still in high demand. Of course each of those has lots of calories and tend to create a lot of...um...uh...material, shall we say, for the diaper. I told her if she would scale back on the calories she wouldn't have to beat a path to the commode nearly as often. It is still a work in progress.

Dad is doing so much better than I expected he would do upon returning from Avalon, the skilled nursing facility! He is still weak and has a hard time transferring, but his mind is as keen as ever! The manager of Legacy mentioned to me today that he had a nice discussion with Gordon. It seemed to him that Dad was as bright and quick as he was a few months ago before he started the slow decline I mentioned in previous posts. He is pretty much confined to a wheel chair, even in his room, because of his weakness. When he returned from Avalon to Legacy, he was complaining of fairly constant pain pretty much through his whole body, but especially in his legs and hips. Though he still has some pain, he told me yesterday that it is now activity induced rather than constant. Transfers can still be a little painful.

We have put him on hospice care to get him some more services. After 45 days (I think) of having hospice care he is evaluated again by the hospice doctor to see if he still qualifies for services. The jury is still out at this point, but I wouldn't be surprised to see him work his way off of their list of qualifiers. If he declines chronically or has an acute episode then we have to decide if we should remove him from hospice so he can get attention at the hospital or leave him on hospice and keep him comfortable. We hope and pray if that happens that the proper course will be clear before us.