Merry Christmas!!

Eloise would love to come and see each and every one of you and give you a nice big Christmas hug!  Though that is not possible right now, know that you are in her thoughts and prayers...and, if she has your phone number, probably on your caller id :) . 

This is her first Christmas without Gordon and I'm sure she misses him terribly.  But she gets to see him every night in her dreams.  I know this because I get to hear about them every morning and she literally has a dream which Gordon is in almost every night.

Eloise has a testimony of the Savior.  She relies on him daily to help her through the day and to keep up her strength.  It also helps her keep her patient attitude toward those around her.  Even while carrying her heavy burdens daily she is still sweet and loving.

Changes, changes

Every morning between 8 and 9 am I get a phone call from mom. Sometimes I actually answer - depends on my mood at the time and what is going on at work...mostly my mood. This past Monday she called and she was so excited to tell me what she had done on Sunday. "You'll never guess" she said.

The usual routine is I get to hear about her dreams that night, or how she slept, or explain how I slept or tell about my dreams (which I never remember). Well Monday she could hardly wait to get it out of her mouth, this exciting thing she did on Sunday. She went to church!...AND bore her testimony! "I was the first one up there she said". That did in fact catch me by surprise. I never saw that one coming.


 
She really seems to be picking up steam in her level of social interactment.  She can't wait to go to Bingo, she actually talks to people down there.  Today she asked a lady if she wanted to come to her room and play cards in the afternoon.  "I'll see what the afternoon brings" was the response.  She asked a man, Ned, that sits at her Bingo table if he wanted to come play cards.  He declined because his wife has dimensia and he can't leave her alone.  Funny, eh?

She has been after me for weeks to come and play bingo with her.  Today was the day.  Here are a few images from the experience.  Quite fun actually!

Eloise cruising at the Temple

Another thing that brought Eloise out of her comfort zone and into the real world was Cory and Erin's temple wedding. Eloise contacted the Bishop and made arrangements to get her temple recommend and the attended the wedding ceremony! It was great to have her there.

I'm wondering if the real reason she wanted to attend was to ride in Rick's rental car...?

New 'Do' for Elosie

Eloise has been sprouting her wings lately. She has started going down to play Bingo for one thing. She finally tried it a month or so ago and now it's a daily habit. Not long ago she wouldn't try to go when they had it in the morning because it didn't agree with her elimination schedule. Now she has thrown all caution to the wind and if there's bingo..she is there! Generally she will return with a prize (Reese's candy bar) for her efforts. She is a regular winner on the Legacy Bingo Circiut.

One of her latest endeavors was to risk having her hair done by the lady at the salon at Legacy. A brave undertaking if I do say so myself. You know when young girls that are going into hair styling get into the industry, they start trying all kinds of new hairstyles and colors...most of which are on the edge of reason. Now picture one of these young adventurous hair stylists sporting a wild do - and then add 50 years to her. That's the lady that works in the salon at Legacy!

So Mom got the idea she wanted a different hairstyle. She went for the perm look. What do you think?

A Most Unexpected Visitor

Eloise had a neat experience that I was witness to last night. She was able to get re-aquainted with Jim Vernon. Jim was the driver of the car in which Pat was riding when she was killed 46 years ago, this next week (as recalled by Jim).

A short background of the incident can be found at my entry about Karen's visit from last May recorded here. I learned some cool facts that previously I had only known a part.

Jim described himself as being very lost in life at the time. He and De Leon were drinkers and they had very little interest in church. Jim, in particular, said he was headed no where in life prior to the accident. Because of the complete forgiveness and love he received from my parents, particularly Eloise, the tragedy became a spring board which ultimately changed his life.

After a number of years he moved to Dayton, Ohio for work. He continued to hang out with less than desireable people until one day he realized that he was going no where. He always wanted a family and he also wanted a wife that he could trust. He was finding none of that with the people he was with. He went back to church.

I'm not sure of the exact timing, but because he went got active in the church again he met his wife, a convert of only a year or so. He said they fell madly in love in one of those 'it was meant to be and we knew it' relationships. They married and had 4 children. Jim joined the service and received training as an engineer. He served for a time in Vietnam and Germany, among other places.

During their young marriage they served as seminary teachers. His testimony grew and he was called to serve as a bishop and stake president. All of this was started, he says, by the love he felt from Eloise. He said it kind of made him mad that our family didn't show anger toward him. Because of that he couldn't return anger for anger by denying responsiblity for the accident, but it humbled him and prepared him for the changes that followed.

He said he has told this story so many times over the years (he estimated more than 50 different occasions) in his teaching other people about the gospel and in sermons, etc. He told Eloise that this story has blessed other peoples lives besides his own.

His life was most recently challenged when his wife was diagnosed with cancer and two weeks later...he was also diagnosed with cancer. His wife ultimately succomed to her cancer and died a couple of years ago. His cancer claimed his right leg, which was amputated mid-thigh. He also lost a good portion of his right hip.

I really enjoyed listening to Jim and Eloise visit. Jim is an awesome man and it was great to get to know him in person.

Interviewing Eloise - dating Gordon

Describe the first time you saw Gordon:
Well I used to hang out the window. We would go down to Granite High School and go to the second floor. There was great big window. We would stand and watch the guys outside. Gordon would stand there with his buddie's. They would kid him about looking at me. I was looking at someone else, actually.

I found out the other guy was going steady with another girl. His buddy came to me and said "why don't you ask Gordon to the girl's dance. He's kind of shy and won't ask anybody". So I did. I went with a girlfriend and a date. Her date had an open aire roadster and I sat in the front seat and Gordon had to sit in the back seat alone. I had to put my head down under the shield so my hair wouldn't get all messed up. Going home it was the same way. He had given me a gardenia corsage.

Did he try to kiss you:
No. We went together for years without ever kissing. I went with him because he had a nice car...his dad did, and his dad would let him use it. It was a Pontiac, one of those that kind of sloped down in the back. It was a new style. We were supposed to take him to the door. I don't think I did because I think it was windy or something. He didn't know how to dance worth beans! If a boy was ugly but could dance, I would rather dance with him.

So why did you finally let him kiss you?
Because we got engaged.

You never kissed him before you got engaged?
Nope. Before we got married, Gordon and I counted how many guys I had dated...it was 29. When I was working I spent a lot of money on clothes. I really liked pretty formals and some suits...and play clothes. My kids kept some of those. They kept a big black dress that had yards and yards of material in it. And I had a long black velvet coat that had a white collar.

So what convinced you to finally marry him?
Well I just had a feeling that I should marry him. My girlfriends, Jane (Weenig) and Elaine Moss(Monsen), told me Gordon had told them he was going to give me an engagement ring and I over-heard them talking about it on the bus one time.

Had did you feel when you heard that?
I decided I should probably be engaged to him. So when he gave me the ring, I acted surprised. I still think the main attraction he had for me was my boobs. He always liked 'em...I never let him touch them until we were married. Maybe a couple of times just before we were married. I wasn't passionately in love with him like you and Marie were. I just knew I was supposed to marry him. There was a boy from in Texas that was in the service that I met through another girlfriend. I really did like him. But my mom said to Gordon one time when he came to see me, "You better get on the ball...I think she likes someone else" That's when he told his dad he wanted to get engaged. So his dad borrowed some money against an insurance policy and used that to get my ring. Dad said to him, "are you going to get married?" Gordon said "I just want to get engaged".

Then the war came along and he was in the ROTC at the U of U. I loved going to those dances up there! They had pretty formal dances. I liked getting dressed up!
One time we got to go through the Sabre and Blade club arch. I really felt pretty smart then.

How long were you engaged?
Six months. We got engaged in June and married in December.

How often did you date from the time you first saw him until you got engaged?
Oh, just off and on. I went with a lot of guys in between. The best part of our dating is after a dance we would stop at a car hop place and have bacon and cheese sandwich and a vanilla malt. They would bring it to your car, you know. One time your dad wanted to see me so bad he walked clear from Holiday over to our place. (7 or 8 mile round trip)

How did he pop the question?
We had just been to a dance at a really special dance place. All the big bands would come there. After the dance he asked me to marry him. Then the war along and Edith was down in California. We were frozen to our jobs. You couldn't quit for another job unless you had a real good reason. My boss wouldn't accept my excuse that I needed to go to California to be with my sister. He didn't want me to quit because it hard to find good comptometer operators. So I had a doctor write me a letter saying I had to go down there for my health. I wanted to go down there because she had just had a baby (Jim Christiansen) and her husband was shipped overseas. She had a little girl (Anna Christiansen) that needed to be tended. I got me a job over at North Island (by San Diego) at a big airplane base. I would drop Anna off at a babysitter's place that knew her. I drove Edith's car. I had to take a ferry across the lake to the airfield base. I was engaged at this time, but not married yet. Gordon had to go to Fort Sill for schooling.

Sometimes they would have blackout times for fear that planes were coming in for war. That whole island would be black. It was very scary! That's where I learned to love watching the P-38's...that have the two bodies connected at the tail.

When I was going to get married I bought my wedding dress and girdle. I couldn't find shoes cause I couldn't go to San Diego to shop. I had to take the plane to Salt Lake. My luggage got put on the wrong plane and it went clear to Oregon. It didn't make it to Salt Lake in time for the wedding, even my wedding ring, it was on the plane too! So, luckily, a neighbor that had just gotten married, I bot it from her. I had a hard time finding the veil, cause she didn't have the veil. I had to use my mom's wedding ring. It was the first time she had ever taken it off.

I got home on a Thursday night and my friends had a surprise wedding shower for me. Friday we had to scout around to get all these things for me to wear and I had to find some shoes. They didn't fit very good...they were miserable! All my life I have had trouble getting shoes because my feet are long and narrow. At that time I was wearing a 8 1/2 triple with 5A heel.

We were getting married on Saturday morning and I didn't have my blood test because it was in my suit case. So Friday night, late, we had to scout around. He knew a doctor he thought might write me out one. It was doctor that knew us and he knew that we were both virgins and knew that we were going to the temple. I didn't get to bed until about one in the morning. We had to be to the temple and dressed before 10am so that was a pretty long day. Gordon got a nose bleed in the sealing room! The whole room was full, there was about 18 to 20 people there. They hurried and gave him a bunch of tissues and he couldn't leave so he just had to stay until it stopped. It took about 15 minutes. We used to always kid and laugh about that.

Jen and Paul had a dinner afterwards that was very nice...at a restaurant in downtown Salt Lake. There was about 12 of us there. That night we went to a motel...a very popular one...in Salt Lake. The next day we had to take a bus to Fort Sill. We couldn't afford to fly so we had to go a day early. Then we got there and your dad had made an appointment day wrong. We had to sit up in the hotel all night because our reservation wasn't until the next night. I was so constipated, I was very miserable!

The first thing I had him do is go to a drug store and buy a water bag so I could take an enama. (My comment: Not much changed in the next 60 years!) The worst thing about was in my luggage (that was still missing) was a brand new girdle so I had to wear a real old one that I had at home.

Anything you want your grandkids and great-grandkids to know about your early marriage or courtship?
I am glad we were worthy of the temple when we got married.

45 Years Went Where?!

After 45 long years of not seeing each other, Brent and Karen Davis were able to stop and visit Eloise today on their way home to Calgary after seeing their son graduate from U.V.U. in Orem yesterday.



Eloise really enjoyed spending the time with Karen. Karen is significant in our family history a) because she has been a life long friend and b) because she was in the same car accident in which Pat was killed in 1963. I was enthralled with Karen's, Brent's and Eloise's recollection of the tragic event which almost took Karen's life also.



What I gathered from the discussion is that many people's lives were changed dramatically, and even blessed, that fateful evening.

Among the stories that I want to remember is Karen's tale of how seconds before the accident, Pat, in the front seat, turned to Karen, in the back seat, and their eyes locked with each other in a deep, eternally binding exchange. No time for words to be spoken but it was as they each knew something terrible was about to happen. But also, a love and bond was forged that would last forever.

Karen also shared a story about the driver of the car. His life had been somewhat of a mess up to the point of the accident. A time after the accident, he sought out Eloise to apologize for his part in the accident that caused the death of her daughter. He was not prepared for Eloise's response. She immediately and sincerely forgave him and expressed her sorrow and empathy for the burden he would have to carry through his life. She explained that because of certain things that had happened in the days leading up to the accident, she had an assurance that this was Pat's time to go. She then said something to the effect "I'm sorry that you had to be part of carrying out the event to bring it to pass". Eloise's response changed his life. He served an extremely successful career in the military and eventually served as a Stake President. He told Karen that he attributes his change of heart to the forgiveness he received from a grieving mother who loved the Lord.

Eloise brought a measure of consolation to Karen when she told that in the days before the accident she had had a number of dreams that prepared her, in a way, for the loss. Also she told of a discussion that her and Pat had where Pat related that she had the distinct feeling that "something in her life was different" but that she could not explain the feeling or identify the cause. As the events came to a close and some time elapsed, this conversation and the dreams brought Eloise peace that everything was in order.

The scriptures teach that God knew the end of the world from the beginning. It appears that he also knows the end of his children's lives from the beginning also, and has prepared a way for them be happy as well as bare the burdens which are a part of this existence.

Funeral, 4/7/2009

Watch the video full size here

A Tribute to Gordon

Watch the video full size here.

The further Dad gets down this path to transitioning to the other side, the more physical and emotional difficulties he encounters - and the grumpier he gets. At times he can be downright mean. The aides are mostly young girls and struggle with knowing how to help. When Dad was feeling better he was their favorite patient because he would always have cute little comments and jokes for them. He still does at times but most of the time not.

I found this sign on his white board, obviously written by a sweet aide just trying to help.

Technical Things Aside...

I didn't' expect to have a night like this after talking to the hospice nurse just before 5:00. She called to say that Gordon had taken a serious turn for the worse since our visit yesterday. Yesterday, at least he was sitting in his chair, attempting to interact and cracking jokes.

Today, she said, he was still in bed because none of the aides could get him out of bed. He was more lethargic, not responsive, not eating or drinking or taking his meds. It sounded pretty grim.

When I arrived I found that all of the above was true, but not as bad as I had expected. I noticed that there was no moisture in his eyes...his lips were dry and pealing. His color was good, I could get him to drink a little, eat very little and when the aide came to give him his meds (crushed in applesauce) he relented and took the first bite. Just as I was asking the nurse how all that stuff tasted, he pipes in with "boy that stuff is nasty!". It took quite a bit more persuasion to get the second bite between his lips.

I wanted to break up his day a little so I booted up his computer and we looked at old pictures I had loaded on the internet. He would watch some, sleep some, look out the window some...watch some more. He apparently was reflecting on life and his current situation. I asked him if there was something I could do for him. He replied with "I feel comfortable with my future. I just hope my family will have good direction in theirs." I noticed his eyes were moist, and he wiped each eye with his finger. It seems to me that he has more to say but is not quite sure how to get it out. Not because of his mental condition but because of his gender. Trust me, I know the feeling. Marie will back me up on that one too.

At times, quite often actually, I feel the emotions welling up inside of me because of the obvious conclusion to all of this. All the unfinished, unsaid, incomplete things seem to surface at once and it is very over-whelming. But...as I sat there beside his bed and empathized with the thoughts and feelings I imagine he has but can't say...an amazing, deep and calming sense of peace came over me as if to reassure me that things as they are, are just as they ought to be.

I went over to mom's room and spent an hour playing cards and listening to John Denver on her old record player. I commented how nice it sounded and she bragged to me that "I got that at a garage sale for $50". She seemed to be at peace with things and we enjoyed playing cards and listening to the music.

I made the drive home. As I walked in the door was greeted by Marie, Stephanie and Addy. That's nice to come home to. Marie and Stephanie went to play volleyball where Kelsie was to meet them. Addy was ready for bed. We took a minute to look at the circles she drew that day...not bad for a 2 year old.

Before I offered to tuck her in bed I asked her if she wanted to dance for a few minutes. (One of my favorite things to do, you know...grand daughter dances!) She agreed so I put on some of our favorite soft piano/instrumental music and danced. Just before she settled onto my shoulder for the dance, she pointed out when the piano portion chimed into the song and then said "I'm happy" and layed her head on my shoulder.

Me too, Addy...

Bringing the house down...

Tuesday's are generally reserved for mutual for me but this one turned out quite different. I hadn't seen the folks on Monday as I usually do and told Mom I would at least swing by on the way home from work to say hi for a minute.

I visited with Dad for about 1/2 hour and then strolled across the hall to give Mom equal time. She 'needed' supplies and decided to forgo the card game in favor of sending me to the store...no enough time for both, you know. So I ran my errands got back to Legacy just before six. I hadn't been there 30 seconds when the fire alarm started to sound. My first impression was 'fire drill' so I wasn't too concerned but I thought I would mosy down the hall just to make sure. I hadn't traveled too many steps before I figured out this was definitely not a drill.

All the management team had gone home for the day and the evening crew had taken over. The evening crew consists of CNA's (teenagers for the most part) and Medtechs (not much more than teenagers). The lead Medtech was in a panic...shaking and hardly able to speak...but was blubbering something about a roof collapse on the second floor. "People are probably dead up there"! she stammered.

The aide's had already started the evacuation process so I passed on going upstairs to try and help and went directly to Mom's room to prepare her for a trip across the street to the church parking lot. Fortunately the weather was the best of the year so far - mid 50's and clear. Meanwhile one of the aide's had started to get Dad ready and, after depositing Mom safely in the church parking lot, I met them at his doorway. He was already cussing and swearing at the poor girl for being in so much of a hurry! :) By now, the emergency crews had started to arrive and were assisting with the evacuation of the 97 residents and staff.

I started across the street with Dad and every crack in the pavement brought a "damn" or "hell" followed by some direction from my irritable passenger. Holy smoke, you'd thought I was dragging him naked through a snow storm or something!

In any event we made it safely to the cultural hall of the Bountiful Stake Center and snuggled with 200 other residents and family members. It wasn't long before the fire department sent in a rep to explain to everyone what had happened, which was that a 400 square foot section of ceiling crashed to the floor in the commons area on the second floor...bringing a whole new meaning to the term 'drop down ceiling'! Miraculously, there was no one in the normally occupied area. Most were having dinner either in the dining hall, directly below the accident area, or safely in their rooms.

To make a six hour, mostly uneventful very boring, story short we sat in the cultural hall until midnight when Gordon and Eloise were relocated to the newest wing of the Legacy House, the only portion of the large building deemed habitable. Of course the evening was brightened with a sweet sister playing hymns on the piano and 4 or 5 trips to the bathroom for Eloise.

We feel happy and blessed that no one was injured and that Gordon and Eloise endured this like the troopers that they are!

Here is the news story as reported on http://www.ksl.com/ and as covered in the Ogden Standard Examiner.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com